Random pics, jokes, & videos NSFW

[MusicalGenius]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

Thanks Digg.

"You do NOT **** with turtles."

[dJ]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

LOL...awesome video lol!

[VWSM]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Transubstantiate

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
No kebab for me, thank you
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
I'm not interested in fighting you.
Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing
No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination.
Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to urinate over the nearest cash machine or shop front.

[VWSM]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He

gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like

Frank "

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the

time." like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like

that to Frank Feldman every single time"

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have

won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like

an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard

him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He could

remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to

order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like

me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman,

he could do everything right."

Passenger "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid

traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank,

he never made a mistake."

Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good

and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing

was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man!



He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman "

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank "

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"



Cabbie: "I married his f**king widow."

[BaggedGLI]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

[Russell]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

[MusicalGenius]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

The funny thing is if I ever see the not remixed slap chop ad it seems wrong to me. So much awesome guys.

[BaggedGLI]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

[MusicalGenius]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

HAHA HAH!

Thank Digg for this one as well.

[VWSM]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift..

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the

Gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....


************************************************** **********************

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....


************************************************** **********************

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered..

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started....


************************************************** **********************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95..

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started......

************************************************** *******************



I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first..

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started.....


************************************************** **********************

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

================================================== ====================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

================================================== ==================

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her , 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' she sighed, ' He's my old boyfriend...

I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many Years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started....

================================================== =========

I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...


================================================== ======================

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. but, somehow I always had something else to take care of

First, the truck, the car, playing golf '

Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

Busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed

Her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors said I might walk again, but I will always have a limp

[Russell]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

[stefan]

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hahahh.. articulate guy there.

your sig still makes me laugh every time i see it....

[MusicalGenius]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

How many of those have you used on your wife Paul?

Hah, I think a little diction would help the surfer dood.

Stefan I agree about that signature, every single time I chuckle.

[fazda]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supurrmodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career oppurrtunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and s h i t.

lulz

[R_Ethug]

Re: Random pics, jokes, links, and videos.

lol shaggy